no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
