i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i will never coherently bang her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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