I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
