Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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