Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
