Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
