Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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