your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
