I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Houston, we have a blender
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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