Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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