what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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