Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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