no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
