turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
