what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
