watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
