hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize