I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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