it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
