I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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