He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
