I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
