My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
