im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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