No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
