I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
