i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
