I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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