just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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