i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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