Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
