i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
