you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
