I must be too annoying 4 u.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize