I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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