That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
