woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
