Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
