man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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