you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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