i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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