Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
