Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
