i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
