She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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