I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
