I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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