I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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