in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
