Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
