how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
