I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
