ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
