you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize