oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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