my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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