all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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