he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
