How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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