she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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