My cat gives me a boner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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