remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
