Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
