I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
