my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
