I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
