i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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