I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
