the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
