Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
