I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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