Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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