she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
