Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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