I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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