Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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