I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
