He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
