I can't watch pbs sober anymore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
