She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
