So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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