When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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