Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
