I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize