So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
