The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
