I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
