Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
