If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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