Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
