I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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