just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
