Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize