yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
