Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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