I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize