He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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